Sunday, February 21, 2010
I understand that change is necessary in life. Essential really. Sometimes I wonder though, how far our Earth, our landscape bends to change. Today, I was riding my horse through what had been a beloved forest. As I crested the hill a gruesome sight met my eyes. To the left there were two new (many storey)condo buildings, and to the right, a forest decimated by clear cut logging. I have to admit my heart sank a little. A forest that I had run through, walked through, ridden my bike through, was nothing but a pile of freshly mown down trees lying on the ground like casualties of warfare. I understand the cycle of life, and need for change on this Earth of ours, but I really start to question how far is too much? How long will it be before all our old haunts and rambles in the woods are nothing but a memory to be found on the pages in a history book?
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Horseback riding engages almost every muscle. I know this because my body is telling me so today. And I believe there is such a thing as good sore and bad sore. This definitely is a good sore. I called upon muscles that were laying dormant for many years wondering if they were going to be used again.
They are speaking to me today. Not screaming, but letting me know that they are alive and kicking and need to be eased in, or at least stretched afterwards. So after each day of riding, I will make sure I give myself time to stretch and breathe. Because I'm riding on Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday (or when the sun shines), I was thinking even going to do a steam and stretch afterwards might be a good thing for my body.
Achy muscles aside, it truly was so wonderful to be back in the saddle again. 45 minutes of pure bliss. It's nice when you refer to an exercise as pure bliss. Good for the body and the soul.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
A time comes in your life when you finally get it. . . when, in the midst of all your fears and insanity, you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out - ENOUGH!
I had small pieces of that over the years, but a really big one last night.
Tired of eating too much.
Tired of exercising so much and it not making a difference because I'm eating too much.
Tired of carrying around baggage and heaviness that's weighing me down.
Tired of feeling sore because my muscles don't work like they used to.
Tired of not having the will power to not have that cookie.
Tired of not making time to achieve my goals.
Tired of making my goals, and then not following through.
Tired of always beginning, but never finishing.
Tired of the regret, guilt and underlying sadness that come with not finishing.
Tired of being tired.
Today I am not beginning again, but continuing on my journey. A journey to where I've had to dig pretty deep within my layers (that I have padded up over the years) to find out where I am. Who I am. Where I want my life to go. How I want to live it. It's amazing how we can lose ourselves in the every day. We can go through the motions of life, and never really live or connect.
When talking about why we got ourselves to this spot in out lives, a friend said, every time you have a hurt, a piece of you dies. I thought about that for a long time.
I do not believe part of you dies when there is a hurt. I believe that whenever we are hurt, inflicted by either someone else, or ourselves, we cocoon. Wrap ourselves in layers upon layers of protection like a chrysalis, under development, until it's time to break free and spread our beautiful wings.
I feel that the time for breaking free is near. Is now.
It's time to work hard to break free of the layers that has kept me protected all these years. I have gathered the strength, and know that it is going to take time to remove them one at a time, one pound at a time. It took a long time to get them there, but I cannot wait to feel the air, and spread my wings.